Begin Again

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Joss McKinley. Source: instagram.com/maisongaja/

Back on track.

During the time off this blog I simply couldn’t stop thinking about clothes and shopping, made some shopping mistakes and realised that the place style and fashion occupy among my interests is bigger than I was willing to admit. Writing is my way of living; writing in English and about things that lot of people around me consider useless or at least not so important to be worried about, is a kind of indulgence for me. So hello again, I guess.

Fashion-wise, I made many purchases this year and learned about my shopping habits. It’s the very first time I tried to be more systematic about how and for what I spend my money, along with first steps to build more conscious, curated wardrobe that would reflect my personality and my style better than a bunch of stuff bought in sale madness. It was long way and it’s not over yet; the most difficult thing I find about it is to resist temptation and to be mindful whenever shopping. Sometimes I was successful, sometimes not; but the most difficult time to really control myself was when the holiday season arrived.

My will-power was weakened by many factors. First, I’m not that kind of person who, when shopping around for gifts manages to not buy anything for myself; I simply can’t though I’d love to. Second, I knew there were many parties and social events coming up; that festive feeling is so nice and dressing up for special occassions, too. Third, I was aware that my wardrobe still missed some essential pieces. And fourth, I suffer from seasonal mood disorder that usually comes in the middle of fall. It lasts about a month when I’m not able to do anything productive and there’s nothing to do about it, just wait until it’s over.

So when faced with temptation this time, I totally failed. I just bought all the stuff I wanted, forgetting about my rules and values and what I really want in the long run. It’s so easy to trick yourself into thinking that buying this or that would make you happier. And it’s so easy to actually do it – to buy and to feel the pleasure of beautiful, functional things.

Not that they wouldn’t be quality garments – nice shoes, well tailored clothes, practical handbags. I enjoy seeing them, wearing them; they are nice and functional additions to my wardrobe. But some of them weren’t really needed. It wouldn’t bother me that much if I wasn’t on a strict budget to be able to study abroad next year. I feel like pushing my dream further when it was totally unnecessary.

When I bought my last pair of shoes in the end of November, I already felt sick of myself. I didn’t even want the stuff, actually. What I was doing was trying to overcome my depression with new distractions. I was holding on a belief that it’ll make me feel better – or make me better at all. Feeling better, yes, but only for a while that wasn’t worth the money. Becoming better person – definitely not.

So when Thansgiving came, I decided to give it a try this year though we usually don’t celebrate it in Europe. By stopping the hunt for better and finally appreciating what I already have, I wanted to focus on other things. So I started a shopping fast that wouldn’t be over until the end of the year.

Now the year ends and you know what? I didn’t manage to keep it. I slipped several times, but I don’t feel so bad about it. First, beating yourself doesn’t make anything better. We grow by making mistakes and learning how to overcome them. What happened, happened; let’s focus on how to do better the next time.

Second, I learned how to deal with my cravings by writing them down to wishlist and thinking about how should the perfect piece look like. The more specific you are, the better – you set your priorities and therefore choose better. Finding how would it look like and pinning it on Pinterest or similar platform helps a lot, too. You have a very concrete vision and your senses are satisfied for a while. If you still want the item after some time (e.g. week/s, month/s), congratulations – go and get it. As impulsive as I am, I often stop wanting something after a while. Time distance and being very specific about what I want helped me to get my cravings under at least some control. I can only hope this method works further off, too.

But for now – let’s stop. The first fireworks are already appearing on the sky; there are friends to meet, wine to drink and the last moments of 2016 to be lived. I will talk about purchases, wishlist and other things later. Until then, hope you spent your year well and all the best for the new one!

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